It can be very easy to be kind when we're unconsciously doing what Stephanie Dowrick terms "patronizing kindness". Read Practice Loving Kindness Meditation (Metta) for more details.īe kind to everyone, not just people "in need." Expand your circle of kindness. Volunteering for those in need and taking the initiative to relieve suffering are bigger acts of compassion. Build up your small acts of kindness into larger acts of compassion.Be kind, friendly, and compassionate when you interact with someone, and even more so where that person normally makes you angry, stressed, or bothered.Make a conscious decision at the beginning of the day what that kind act will be and make time to do it during the day. Do one kind thing for someone every day.X Research source Suggestions to help cultivate your kindness include:
As he says, in the long run, being kind is karma in practice. At the end of this directed focus, you'll be aware of profound changes in your life, you'll feel better about yourself as a person, and you'll find that people react to you differently, including treating you better. He suggests focusing on kindness every day for a month. Leo Babauta says that kindness is a habit and is one that everyone can cultivate. For many people, being kinder to themselves includes monitoring the chatter in your thoughts and stopping your negative thinking. Ask yourself what you think it means to be kinder to yourself.Avoid viewing time taken to become more aware of your own needs and limits as an act of selfishness far from it, it is a vital pre-condition to being able to reach out to other people with great strength and awareness.In this way, your inner angst is being dealt with rather than fueling your need to project the hurt and pain. Take time to become more self-aware and use this learning to be kinder to both yourself (remembering that we all have weaknesses) and to others.X Research source Stephanie Dowrick, Choosing Happiness, p. In turn, self-knowledge helps to prevent you from projecting your negative aspects onto other people, thereby empowering you to treat other people with love and kindness. It allows the space to work on things about yourself that you're not happy with. Self-knowledge allows you to see what causes you pain and conflict, and enables you to embrace your contradictions and inconsistencies.
Or, it can lead to burn-out and disillusionment because you've put everyone else first. And unfortunately, when you don't feel rock solid within yourself, your kindness to others risks falling into the deluded types of kindness described in the previous step. Some of this can stem from not liking aspects of yourself, but more often than not, it's sourced in the inability to know yourself better. Many people make the error of trying to be kind to others while at the same time not focusing on being kind to themselves.
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